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hermionegrangcr:

Harry Potter Funny Book Titles: Professor McGonagall’s PoVText credit: (x)
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dontkillbirds:

sleepy-loopin:

dontkillbirds:

Headcanon: Professor McGonagall has a muggle wife she never mentions to the students, because they never ask.

Four years after Harry’s left Hogwarts he visits McGonagall’s home to talk her out of retirement, and the door is opened by a woman he doesn’t recognise. Confused, he introduces himself and asks to see McGonagall. The woman recognises the name and invites him in, saying Minerva will be home soon. She then talks a mile a minute, but not about the war - about the stories she’s heard about the golden trio from their head of house. About how Harry stood up to Umbridge, and how clever Hermione was, and how Ron had been able to beat her chess game, and how PROUD Minerva was of them all.

By the time McGonagall does arrive, Harry and her wife are chatting like old friends. Minvera’s wife calls her things like “Darling” and “Pumpkin.” Harry cannot believe his ears.

Harry is invited to tea every Wednesday from then on. He always looks forward to it.

but lets be real here, even with the “darling”s and “pumpkin”s Harry still wouldn’t catch on and he’d go home and tell Ginny all about McGonagall’s lovely gal-pal and Ginny would have to be like “babe…that was her wife”

You’re right, fuck! How could I forget how deeply unobservant Harry is?!
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mira-of-sassgard:

oceansideopus:

roachpatrol:

ao3sburbanite:

roachpatrol:

roachpatrol:

“I’m disgusted,” said Professor McGonagall. “Four students out of bed in one night! I’ve never heard of such a thing before!”

(from the philosopher’s stone)

minerva you fucking liar

so ok i bet minerva’s spent like the last thirty years pretending to students that their transgressions are totally unique new crimes just to really shame them

sneaking off to the astronomy tower to make out? she’s never heard of such a thing before. sneaking into the herbology greenhouses to find something to get high on? she’s never heard of such a thing before. sneaking off to the forbidden forest to make out and get high? she’s never heard of such a thing before. sneaking off to the kitchens for midnight snack parties (while high and making out)? she’s never heard of such a thing before. trying to sneak back into the tower via flying a broom through an outside window after a previously successful night of misdoing? she’s never heard of such a thing before and neither has the pink lady. 

not since she was in school and doing all that herself, anyway. 

This is literally what teachers do. 

They have to make it seem like every misbehaviour is new and shocking because if they just went “damn son that’s nothing, when I was your age I jumped off the school roof and yelled fuck all the way down” it would be impossible to give them detention for throwing a pen across the room.

I was once in a lesson during my teacher training where a kid left a drawing of a dick on the teacher’s chair and she acted like the kid had killed her puppy in front of her. After the lesson we both laughed our asses off about it, she wasn’t insulted in the least, it just wasn’t acceptable behaviour.

Tl;dr Minerva is being a great teacher, and she’s probably got a poll going with the other staff at Hogwarts as to what crazy shit Harry and Co. will do next. 

yes i love this. she probably got back to the staff room and was like ‘ALRIGHT, LET’S MARK IT DOWN, I JUST CAUGHT POTTER THE SEQUEL SNEAKING OUT ON A MISADVENTURE WITH HIS LITTLE FRIENDS,’ and everyone groans and rummages in their pockets to settle their bets. 

Potter the Sequel

Still losing it about potter sequel
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vivienvalentino:

the magic begins | favourite character
  ↳ professor minerva mcgonagall 
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marauders4evr:

“Minerva, you don’t have children…”

When James Potter was caught out of bed, pacing, wringing his hands, because his father was away on a mission (fight me), she had wrapped an arm around him and had escorted him into her office, whereupon she had given him tea and a biscuit, distracting him with talk of Quidditch.

“You don’t have children…”

She was one of the few people (outside the Marauders) who could see right through Sirius’ mask and when she saw him receive the envelope that contained a tiny piece of tapestry, she marched him into her office and told him that quite frankly, she was proud of him for having the strength to leave that horrid house, and that now he could show his true potential and “No, Mister B-Sirius, I don’t think you’ll ever have to worry about ending up in Azkaban because you’re not like them.”

“You don’t have children…”

Before there was a stag, a dog, and a rat, there was a cat, bravely entering the Shrieking Shack to make sure that Remus Lupin was all right. She stayed with him until dawn and sent him chocolate for a week thereafter.

“You don’t have children…”

She knew that Peter Pettigrew was going to cry before he did. She was trained in seeing the signs. And sure enough, he burst into tears, telling her that he might as well be a Squib. And she gave him a biscuit (he took two) before firmly telling him that he had the makings of a great wizard and he had loyal friends to boot.

“You don’t have children…”

She saw the Dark Mark on Regulus Black’s arm. She saw the fear in his eyes. And though he wasn’t one of her own, she still caught him in the corridor and told him that Sirius had spent the morning bragging about how quickly Regulus had captured the Snitch. Two minutes and thirty-seven seconds. It was a record. He interrupted her class at least seven times to talk about it. That’s how proud he was. And there was no mistaking the sparkle in Regulus’ eye, the skip in his step as he walked away.

“You don’t have children…”

She held Lily’s hand as Sirius and Remus fretted over a passed-out James. And with a scream, a push, and a cry, a new baby entered the world. Lily held him first, of course. And then he was passed to her, to hold close. She was the first one to mention that he had Lily’s eyes.

“You don’t have children…”

She protested, loudly, when he was placed with his aunt and uncle. She kept an eye on him at the schoolyard, using a bit of magic here and there to help him escape the bullies. She sent him his first broom. She cried when he caught the Snitch and again when he lay in the Hospital Wing. She did everything within her power to protect him. From jinxed brooms. From an escaped murderer. From a corrupted government. She watched over him for years. She screamed, louder than anyone, when she saw his dead body. And when the battle was over, she was the first to reach him, tears falling down her face. 

“You don’t have children…”

She was there for James’ birth, for Albus’ birth (”Really, Potter, Albus?”) and for Lily’s birth. She came to Sunday brunch and she came to tea. She sent presents during Christmas and birthdays. She knew everyone’s favorite book, color, and food.

“You don’t have children…”

She was always there for him. She always would be.

“You don’t have children…”

She had dozens of children.

Including one very ungrateful son.

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