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athousanderrorsvia http://ift.tt/2w0X0cc:
naamahdarling:
tallulalusa:
lesbianrey:
josh wheat thin found dead in miami
http://ift.tt/2vfnchw
Granted he sounds like a grade-A arsehole, but I don’t see how his being a poor husband has to do with being a false feminist? Or how it was taking away her right to make her own choices or decide what to do with her body??
Cheating is more than just emotional harm.
When you cheat on someone you put that person at risk. If they don’t know you are sleeping with other people, they can’t protect themselves from STIs. It does remove agency, as you cannot act to protect yourself from a threat of which you are unaware.
Also, and I’m not sure how to express/explain this, but sex is very much conditional. If I consent to having sex with Hot Person, I’m doing so with the understanding that they 1) are who they say they are, 2) are not married/otherwise attached to someone who would object, 3) have been honest about their STI status (STI+ is not necessarily a dealbreaker for me, but I do need to know), 4) will use whatever protection we agreed on, and 5) have been honest with me about whatever else I consider important about that encounter.
If any of those things turn out not to be true after the fact, that is a really really gross feeling, because I would not have chosen to have sex with that person. Legal issues aside for the moment, morally, emotionally, I have been tricked and lied to, and that is a really gross, scary feeling. By withholding information, especially information you know to be or suspect might be a dealbreaker (such as the fact that you are having an affair) you impair a person’s ability to give full consent. At best, that is a completely jerky thing to do. At worst, that can, legally and morally, make you an actual rapist. Yikes.
So if she says she has CPTSD from this horseshit, I don’t blame her one bit. This kind of thing is incredibly destructive to the well-being of the person being cheated on, it reduces their personhood, it is degrading, and it is just … really, really not okay at all. Especially when it happens repeatedly. It’s terrible.
As for the false feminism/bad husband thing. What people are pissed about is how he claims to uphold feminist values both IRL and in his work, all while cheating on a woman who loved him. Repeatedly. And doing that? Makes you a pretty fucking shitty feminist, IMO.
Let alone the way he treated Charisma Carpenter…I am utterly fucking unsurprised by this. And very very glad that Kai Cole is free of his shit.
(Your picture was not posted)
naamahdarling:
tallulalusa:
lesbianrey:
josh wheat thin found dead in miami
http://ift.tt/2vfnchw
Granted he sounds like a grade-A arsehole, but I don’t see how his being a poor husband has to do with being a false feminist? Or how it was taking away her right to make her own choices or decide what to do with her body??
Cheating is more than just emotional harm.
When you cheat on someone you put that person at risk. If they don’t know you are sleeping with other people, they can’t protect themselves from STIs. It does remove agency, as you cannot act to protect yourself from a threat of which you are unaware.
Also, and I’m not sure how to express/explain this, but sex is very much conditional. If I consent to having sex with Hot Person, I’m doing so with the understanding that they 1) are who they say they are, 2) are not married/otherwise attached to someone who would object, 3) have been honest about their STI status (STI+ is not necessarily a dealbreaker for me, but I do need to know), 4) will use whatever protection we agreed on, and 5) have been honest with me about whatever else I consider important about that encounter.
If any of those things turn out not to be true after the fact, that is a really really gross feeling, because I would not have chosen to have sex with that person. Legal issues aside for the moment, morally, emotionally, I have been tricked and lied to, and that is a really gross, scary feeling. By withholding information, especially information you know to be or suspect might be a dealbreaker (such as the fact that you are having an affair) you impair a person’s ability to give full consent. At best, that is a completely jerky thing to do. At worst, that can, legally and morally, make you an actual rapist. Yikes.
So if she says she has CPTSD from this horseshit, I don’t blame her one bit. This kind of thing is incredibly destructive to the well-being of the person being cheated on, it reduces their personhood, it is degrading, and it is just … really, really not okay at all. Especially when it happens repeatedly. It’s terrible.
As for the false feminism/bad husband thing. What people are pissed about is how he claims to uphold feminist values both IRL and in his work, all while cheating on a woman who loved him. Repeatedly. And doing that? Makes you a pretty fucking shitty feminist, IMO.
Let alone the way he treated Charisma Carpenter…I am utterly fucking unsurprised by this. And very very glad that Kai Cole is free of his shit.
(Your picture was not posted)
