athousanderrors: from 'Spirited Away' - soot sprites, clutching confetti stars, running about excitedly. (Default)
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stitch-please:

My dear newbie yarn benders,

I love you. You’re wonderful and fabulous and energized about seeing a cool project on the inter-webs and have finally said “yes! I think I could do that! This is the one that will get me into knitting/crochet” With all the excitement and joy in the world you go to the craft store, grab the coolest looking yarn (in the best color, duh) and the cheapest needles/hook you can find (If if needles are too intimidating, you opt for the knitting loom. It comes in a 3 pack! score!). You follow the instructions as best you can with dreams of your project turning out exactly like the professionally taken photograph. Oh my naive, beautiful newbie yarn bender, you are on a craft high. Head so far in the clouds that you don’t realize what has happened until it’s done. We’ve all been here at some point, no matter how skilled a person is. 

My lovelies. Please learn from the mistakes that have already happened. Take the time to learn about gauge and value the materials needed. I am most definitely NOT saying buy the most expensive stuff. I am saying that skien of yarn that is one dollar more will likely make you enjoy the finished product bounties more than the value of one dollar. 

Take the top picture. This was most definitely made on a knitting loom. Im personally not a huge advocate of these. They’re great for learning how knitting works. Not great for endless feats of creativity. You’re limited by the size of the loom which limits you to the size of the yarn as well as the size of the object you make. For something that will not ladder (the long horizontal bits between the “V” stitches) you need yarn thick enough to touch the stitch next to it when wrapped around the loom. In the case of the photo, yarn far too thin was used. 

The next picture looks like it could be arm knitting. Which was a fad I loved. Can we bring this back instead of those pony tail hats? The larger the needle, in this case your arm, the larger yarn you need. The original appears to have multiple yarns being used. Perhaps our newbie knitter didn’t realize that’s an option? Lesson here: Larger needles, larger yarn. Smaller needles, smaller yarn. 

The last picture. This crocheted hippo went through the stretcher! oh no! This is a case of right yarn, wrong size hook. When your needle/hook is larger than your yarn and you put it under tension (in this case, stuffing it) the created fabric will stretch (more-so demonstrated in the first picture). Amigurumi is also hard as shit. The people who do it very well are incredible talented. We should all bow before their prowess. Please don’t try an amigurumi (small figurine knitting/crochet) as your first or even 5th project!

General rule of thumb: if you don’t want holes in your work look for yarn and needle/hook approx same size in diameter.

Alas, you have returned for the craft store. Heading the advice you’ve gotten complimentary yarn and needle/hook. TIME TO START THE CRAFT JUICE!

NO.

NOT YET.

“but whyyyy?” you whine

Because we must first test the yarn.

“But tests are boooooring” says the yarn. 

I agree, talking yarn. Tests are boring and terrible and holy crap tell you if you’re doing something right or wrong. This is useful information to know before creating something beautiful with your HANDS. 

Also my dear newbie yarn bender, practice makes a better yarn bender. Resist the urge to pump out something fast. Pinterst lied to you. It’s not going to take 1 hour. It will take at least 3 hours and two trips to the craft store. Accept this now. Knitting/crochet is slow ASF. Accept this now. Or find a different hobby. 

So loop on some stitches and knit or crochet your joyous heart out. Then measure it once you get around 5 inches. Count the stitches horizontally and vertically. Then refer to the chart above and make sure everything agrees. Got 12 stitches per 4 inches and using DK (3) yarn? Time to change needles sizes or get your gorgeous self some bulky yarn. Or get yourself some bulky yarn anyhow. Treat yo’self. 

i love you newbie yarn benders! Go forth and create and learn
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athousanderrors: from 'Spirited Away' - soot sprites, clutching confetti stars, running about excitedly. (Default)
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knittomania:

Never
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flybagsonline:

toddler shoes Knitting Humor Bag Funnytoddler # #
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camwyn:

innerbrat:

teressabee:

darthmelyanna:

ekjohnston:

ironychan:

Thousands of years ago, somebody looked at a flock of sheep and went, “well, they aren’t cold.”

Guys. Guys.

It’s so much better than that.

So once upon a time, goats and sheep were essentially the same animal, and all of them had hair. Now, you can do some stuff with hair, but you can’t do a lot, so mostly sheep/goats were kept for meat and milk.

Except then a mutation showed up, and some of the sheep/goats had WOOL instead. And someone realized that 1. you could spin that shit, and 2. then you could WEAVE that shit, and 3. IT GREW BACK.

Generations of selective breeding ensued. Two visibly discrete species emerged, one primarily for meat and milk, and the other primarily for wool. They also have different behavioural characteristics, because independence was not helpful in a sheep, so it was bred out of them. Sheep remain one of the few non-draft animals that we farm even though they are not delicious.

The most similar part of sheep and goats that remains today is their skeleton. On an archaeological dig, you find THOUSANDS of bones and bone fragments that can only be identified as “sheep/goat”. It’s incredibly frustrating, but also kind of hilarious after you’ve spent enough time in the sun.

ANYWAY, human beings have always been smart and surprisingly good at changing nature because they want a sweater.

The entire knitting community needs to hear this.

Oh man I’m so glad I can add this to my arsenal of responses to people who say all GMOs are made of poison.

Okay I admit I’ve been vegetarian for thirteen years so things may have changed since then, but SHEEP AREN’T DELICIOUS EXCUSE YOU HAVE YOU NEVER HAD A SHEPHERDS PIE?

They haven’t changed. Sheep are still the basis of souvlaki and dear sweet baby Eris that stuff is excellently delicious.

clearly that person had never tried good lamb chops. 

(fun story: Wee!Jen used to go for lunch with her grandparents and always had roast lamb. On the way home, Wee!Jen would apologise to the sheep in the fields for eating their babies. 

Wee!Jen knew exactly where her food came from. She just didn’t give a shit.

….big!Jen doesn’t either, tbh. Though I do try and buy responsibly sourced eggs and meat now, at least. 
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eartheld:

elodieunderglass:

alittlemothboy:

that is some next level knot magic.

 it isn’t though!!! it’s because most relationships aren’t worth the effort. The “sweater curse” is actually most commonly called the “BOYFRIEND sweater curse.” Which=heteronormative, but the curse most often falls on a woman knitting a sweater for a boyfriend. Before she finishes the sweater, they break up - pop culture would have you believe it’s because the boyfriend freaks out do to the weirdness/clinginess of having a sweater made for you, but I think knitters are wiser than that.

It’s because after spending serious £££ on materials, and then HUNDREDS OF HOURS OF LABOR on the creation of the item, with every stitch a prayer of totally focused intent, creating a large display of technical skill - it is then gifted to a non-knitter who does NOT APPRECIATE the work/effort/skill/cost/TIME it took to make it, and in fact thinks you’re a bit weird and making a big deal out of a piece of clothing, and after they go “oh thanks” and shove your creation in the cupboard next to a sweater they got for £15 at an M&S sale, then they never wear your sweater because it’s too tight because when you asked them how their favorite sweaters usually fit they said “I ‘unno” and when you measured them for the fifth time and asked, rather tersely, if they had enough room in the chest, they said “I guess,” and then if pressed they say they don’t really like the sweater design, but then you point out that they were supposed to participate in helping you design it and they say they don’t really care about how things look, and when you say that you tried to match it to their other clothes so how can they hate it, then they say that honestly their mother still buys all their clothes because they hate going shopping, and that they hate all their other clothes too, well. That’s when a sensible knitter goes “Fuck this shit. And you know what? Fuck this man.”

This is what happens when someone posts in a knitting forum “Attack of the sweater curse!” - this is the usual story. It has a rigid plot. It is as old as myth.

That’s when you look at the time you spent and realize, “I could LITERALLY have written the first draft of a novel instead of doing this.” That’s when you go “I could have taken that £200 and bought myself a new wardrobe.” That’s when you go “I could have taken all that intent, all that willpower, all that creative force, and laid down some fucking witchcraft, all right?” That’s when you go “I basically spent 100 hours straight thinking about this bastard while making something amazing for him, and I have no evidence that he ever spent 10 hours of his life thinking about me.”

And “I could spend this time and energy and money in making myself an enormous, intricate heirloom silk shawl with just a touch of cashmere, in elvish twists and leafy lace in all the colors of the night, shot through with subtly glittering stars, warm in winter and cool and summer and light as a lover’s kiss on the shoulders, suitable for draping over my arms at weddings or wrapping myself in to watch the sea, a lace-knotted promise to myself that I will keep for my entire life and gift to my favorite granddaughter when I die, and she will wear it to keep alive my memory - but instead I have this sweater, and this fuckboy.”

The sweater curse is a lesson that the universe gives to a knitter at an important point in their life. It is a gift.

Knitting a sweater for a husband or wife generally doesn’t call down the curse, because the relationship is meant to be stronger than 4-ply.

(Although I say this, but I’ve taken over 5 years to finish a pair of mittens for my husband, because he casually asked me to do something customized with the cables, and I still can’t get the math to work on the right hand.)

this post is so much better with that commentary
athousanderrors: from 'Spirited Away' - soot sprites, clutching confetti stars, running about excitedly. (Default)
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you-keep-using-that-word:

So I’ve been working on a list of tips for lace knitting, or complicated pattern knitting and so far I have these!  I hope these help any new knitters, and if they seem obvious well they probably are but I’m learning this on my own so this one’s for the autodidacts out there:

Print the pattern out and use something (a ruler, a pen, another sheet of paper…) to cover the rows you’re not working on.  I found this revolutionary when I first started, because I would look at the pattern, then at my knitting, then back at the pattern, and even if I KNOW I’m on the SK2P on row 2, my eyes will settle on the SK2P on row 4 and continue knitting that row.  it sounds so simple but I lost a lot of time at the beginning, folks, learn from my mistakes. 

Mark each row off when you’re done.  Another reason to print your pattern!  If you have a lot of repeats, I do the first lot of marks as dots, then overwrite them with horizontal dashes, then vertical to make crosses to take up less margin space.  Of course if you don’t want to scribble all over your pattern you can stick a post-it next to the rows and mark on that instead. 

Count your stitches after each row.  seriously.  I know it’s time consuming but is a good idea the first time you try a pattern.   stitch in time and all that.  you can usually break patterns down into sections; quarters or eighths if it’s a short repeat.  When you know how many stitches are in each section you can isolate the problem.  for me, 9 times out of 10 I’ll have missed a YO.   

Once you’ve got the hang of what the pattern looks like while you’re knitting it you probably won’t have to do this so much, but it’s helpful if you keep ending up with a knotty mess and can’t figure out why.  I don’t count after every row any more, but I do still put the markers on, because it’s a lot easier to rip back a quarter of my project than the whole row.

No knitting after 10pm.  a tired brain makes silly mistakes, and crying doesn’t help you knit faster.  10pm seems to be my witching hour.  bad things happen, I forget the number 7 exists.  so that’s my advice.  followers - anything to add? 

I highlight particular stitches (this works for cableknit too), so that I don’t have to keep referring back to my key. I end up with very multicoloured patterns printed out; but it really helps visualise the pattern, and keep them straight. 
athousanderrors: from 'Spirited Away' - soot sprites, clutching confetti stars, running about excitedly. (Default)
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lurandah:

knitalot:

This could change my life…what a fabulous idea!👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻😃

#Repost @loobielou69 with @repostapp
・・・
*NOT MY PICTURE * I’ve just seen this on one of my groups. What a fantastic idea eh?!

*blinks*

Omg, this is.. it’s definitely going to change my whole knitting life!

…it’s….so simple….and yet so perfect! 

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